Across Miami homes, parenting doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It definitely didn’t in mine. It was more of a group project. My mom, my dad, and my three older sisters always had something to say, or as they would call it, advice.
So if your family is anything like mine, it’s no surprise that when you’re sitting at the dinner table with abuela, your mother in law or las tias, and your toddler is throwing food on the floor because you’re trying baby-led weaning or insisting on wearing mismatched clothes because you want them to learn independence, someone inevitably says:
“In my day, kids didn’t act like this.”
And immediately, you feel the shift in the room. The focus is on you and whether you’re doing this whole parenting thing right. The mom guilt creeps up fast and you start questioning yourself:
Am I being too soft?
Should I do things differently?
Is this why they’re acting like this?
When your child is having a moment (you know, the kind that makes you wish the ground will swallow you whole) in front of family members, it is natural to feel a bit embarrassed. It is even more natural to want to do something, anything, to not feel judged. Because more than a parenting moment, this feels more like a test. Especially when everyone has an opinion.
But here’s the catch.
This moment isn’t really about your child. It’s about what’s coming up for you. The pressure, expectation, and fear of being seen as “not doing it right”, doesn’t mean you are. It may be easy to get pulled in by that feeling but the reality is that your child is looking at you, and not others, for the guidance and permission to be themselves.
So the next time that mom guilt shows up, pause for a second. Not to get it perfect or prove anything but to reassure yourself. You can lead, set boundaries, and handle the moment in a way that feels right for you, even when it strays from others’ expectations. Because at the end of the day, there isn’t just one way to parent.
The mess on the floor or the sparkly shoes they wear every day? That will pass. But the way you made them feel, that’s what sticks. And doing it differently, doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.
